Read our 2011 interview with Randy here
Bob Leahy: Hi Randy.
Randy Verdone: Hello Bob, Wayne. It is definitely nice to be here again. I must say, Bob, you are doing a great job with the website and the new format is starting to grow on me - and Wayne, hurry up and get your photo catalog up and running, I may be interested in buying the rights to a few photo's myself.
We are running this story on World Hepatitis Day. Two years ago you talked with us about your struggle with Hepatitis C and how you were eventually cleared of it, although the virus is still in your body. In that respect it’s a bit like HIV, which you don’t have, right?
Correct on all counts
But tell me, in the two years since we’ve talked, have Hep C treatments improved? Because I know you had a rough time with them.
They have. They have introduced a new drug, called INCIVEK or telaprevir, on top of the pegylated-interferon and ribavirin that were available when I took the treatment. This new drug shortens the length of time needed to complete the treatments almost by half.
Remind us how you think your lifestyle at the time contributed to your getting Hep C?
My lifestyle around the time was one that centered on my drug addiction. At the time I lived my life in pursuit of the next high and in fulfilling that desire I did everything, from living on the street and panhandling to being a street worker and to top it all off I was an intravenous drug user.
What were your symptoms at the time?
Truthfully at the time I did not realize I was having symptoms. I just blamed all symptoms on the after effects of my drug use. I was tired a lot though and I was taking more and more uppers to get my day started (i.e. cocaine, Ritalin, crack).
And you were cleared of Hep C when?
By the end of the treatments I was declared clear of Hep C officially, but my count was actually low enough to be considered clear well before that.
Forgive my ignorance, Randy, but can you get re-infected?
That is actually a great question and I am glad you brought it up. The answer is YES. If I do not monitor and maintain boundaries on the risk levels of my lifestyle there would be a chance of reinfection.
What about resources for people with Hep C. How good are they?
Locally in Waterloo Region we do have the Sanguen Health Centre as well as the AIDS Committee of Cambridge, Kitchener and Waterloo Area (or ACCKWA). They are both excellent resources and they can also connect you with other resources when you need them.
So elsewhere, does it depend where you live?
Unfortunately yes. Country, Province, State, geographical location, transportation and funds do play a big role in accessibility. I would suggest contacting your local Liver Foundation and asking for possible resources in your area. You could also do some online investigating to find the closest ASO (AIDS Service Organization) and contact them, inform them that you are contacting them to request information on Hepatitis C resources in your area and they will be more than happy to assist you.
You probably know, there is some effort by the Province of Ontario to merge HIV and Hep C-related services. Does that make sense to you?
Yes I have to say it does. Politically, monetarily and socially there could be benefits. I could ramble on about the benefits for hours so I will just leave it at this, the resources needed by people with HIV and people with HCV are very similar, almost exactly the same in some cases, so it makes sense to me to combine them.
Are you surprised, by the way, you didn’t get HIV also, back in those days when you were taking more than a few risks?
Yes I am very surprised that I did not contract HIV as well.
Looking back at that period in your life around the time you were infected, how do you feel about that person that was you then.
It is like looking a totally different person.
Instead of pushing the old me into a closet or box or hiding my past from people, I have come to realize that the person I was endured and conquered quite a bit physically, emotionally mentally and spiritually. The person I am now has learned, not only how to live with my past, but how to relate those lessons to others as well.
Last time we spoke you said “I still deal with depression, guilt, shame, fear, anger, etc, etc. because of my past.” Have you been able to make any progress in moving forward on those issues?
It has taken a long time and a lot of work and direction from others but I have finally been able to come to terms with my past. I would be lying if I said I didn't still feel those emotions at times but they are now controllable.
My biggest challenge was accepting my past as a part of me. I didn’t have to run from it or try to bury it. I learned how to compartmentalize my memories and how to safely give them their own time and space in order to allow myself to feel the emotions I needed to feel in order to come to terms with whatever memory it was. I had suppressed my emotions with drugs for so long that it took a while for me to learn how to feel appropriate emotions again. Once I got my emotions leveled out, with the help of my doctors, I was able to access my past without the risk of becoming overwhelmed.
How comfortable is it to talk about all this, Randy? Are you OK with it?
I don't mind talking about it at all. I thoroughly enjoy taking any chance to talk about my past with people. I believe that the stories of all survivors should be told. We are all books filled with unique knowledge and what good is a book if you don't open it and read it once in a while.
Randy, you said in your first interview “my recovery will continue until the day I die. I can make no promises that I will never use again. In fact exact opposite, if I look down the road I can honestly see myself going back to what I know, i.e. drugs.” So the obvious question is – do you want to talk about if you stayed clean?
Of course I will. The answer is yes I have stayed clean. I would be lying if I said I did not have the desire or craving to go and do them at times but I have learned how to control the urges. Although I am kicking myself in the ass that I started smoking cigarettes again.
So how hard has it been to stay clean?
It is still a battle I must be constantly aware of. The cravings come less often but I do still have triggers that are hit on occasion and my mind instinctively reverts to thinking like it did for so long.
Drug use is a habit and like all habits they take time to change. Over time though my natural reactions to triggers being hit are changing. I continually monitor my emotional and mental state in order to ensure that I stay clean.
What’s your advice, then, to someone who may be still using but really wants to break the habit?
Find your reason. The reason that you want to be clean. Grab that reason and don’t let go because at times it will have to be the only thing that will keep you going.
Look and ask around in order to find out what resources are available in your area. Use the resources you find and be truthful with them. Social resources can only help you if they know what the problem is. Most important do not be afraid of stigma; my personal choice is to wear it as a badge if someone tries to stick a stigma on me.
Lastly, keep going. Don't let anything hinder your journey of healing from addictions. If a person, place or thing keeps bringing you back to the drugs then walk away from it or them. Sometimes this is extremely hard, especially if it's a person or people that you feel committed to. It can be done though.
If I could do it, anyone can do it.
Looking back in that period of your life when you were using, when you were in jail, when you were in the sex trade, it sounds like everything was falling apart for a while. But did anything good come out of it?
A lot of good came out of it. I have turned my past into a tool that I can use to teach others. I have also learned that my life does have value and meaning. All those experiences that I lived through were valuable lessons, I just had to step back and find the good that could come out of them.
You mentioned that when dealing with life on life’s terms, it had you feeling you had to find a way to fit in with regular society. Do you feel you’ve made it now? Do you feel you fit in?
I really don’t believe that I will “fit in” for a while yet, if ever. I am still growing, learning and expanding my horizons as I continue my journey. I can't say that I have made it, as my goals and objectives are constantly changing and every time I attain a goal I just move it further along.
I have learned to give the appearance of fitting in and I do feel at ease in all circumstances now but I wouldn't go as far as to say that I feel the companionship of being in my own peer group.
You talked last time about getting custody of your children, the two younger ones. Were you successful in that?
Yes I was, I now have joint custody of two of my children with myself being the primary caregiver and decision maker.
How did the transition from being single to a full time dad go?
It was good for me. My children were the reason I quite my high risk lifestyle. It took a little time to get adjusted to things like buying bubble gum flavored toothpaste but overall the transition was very smooth.
Is it everything you thought it would be?
It is and so much more. I not only get to help my children grow up but, in a way, they also are helping me in my journey.
How much of your past do your kids know, then?
As of yet they do not know anything about it. When they are older and show an interest in it I will let them know. Right now they are too young.
Randy, you’ve just set up a little business for yourself called PeeringYourPeers, Could you tell us about it?
I struggled long and hard to get where I was. I realized in my journey that there are a lot of organizations that truly want to help but are limited due to lack of understanding, space, time and resources. I can't even count the number of times I went somewhere for help just to be told that I had to go elsewhere because of their caseload. I realized that these organizations were overburdened and that another way had to be explored. So I came up with a way. If organizations took the time to teach their clients to work with each other then the time and money that they put into their educational programs could be reduced, thus making their educational programs more effective.
What does PeeringYourPeers mean?
Peering Your Peers means exactly what it says. I believe that everyone has the ability to help others that are facing the same or similar situations in life. I want to teach people how to relay information to others in a way that is natural to them, working with their strengths.
So what is your mission and what services are you able to offer?
Peering Your Peers creates unique small programs and workshops for not-for-profit organizations using multi-level learning techniques that impart educational/instructional information in a manner that allows for greater comprehension and retention.
I believe that if information is provided in a way that participants comprehend, then retention of the knowledge will be increased and they will be able to relay that information to others when the opportunity arises.
How useful are your own past life experiences in talking to others you try to help straighten out their lives.
Well first I have to say that I don't try to help straighten out anyone's life. That is not my job. I give guidance and in doing so give hope. I help people by assisting them in working with their strengths while building on their weaknesses. I want people to feel important and involved in their own lives and those around them. I use my own experiences as tools to demonstrate how and when to relay information to others.
Any success stories to share yet?
Yes but due to confidentiality issues I can't go into details.
OK. We discussed a bit about you going into detox and we asked what the words, “we can help” mean to you. Now that you are a person who can say those words to someone else, is your interpretation of the phrase attainable, is it easier for someone like you to say them and mean it?
It is definitely attainable. As for it being easier for someone like me to say it, I would say yes.It is always easier for someone that has lived through it to provide direction to others going through the same thing. My goal is to ensure that all participants of my workshops will be able to say the same thing, at least about the topic they were taught.
And you are still volunteering with ACCKWA, Randy? What are you doing for them these days?
I'm currently providing a computer basics course to people living with HIV from ACCKWA and ACG called Attacking Technology. A large portion of these workshops is teaching participants that they need to communicate with each other outside of organizational events. I realize that not everything I teach in regards to computers will be remembered by everyone. If everyone comprehends a different part of what I am teaching though, then they can work with the others and give them the assistance that they may need later on.
I want participants to be able to relay the information that they are provided to others. Whether it be identifying learning styles, characteristics and personality traits or the computer basics information itself. If a peer asks a participant a question I want that participant to be able to answer, instead of saying “go to such and such organization and they can give you the training you need”.
Is your experience as someone with Hep C and all the things you went through useful in that also?
All my experiences work together to create a formidable tool that is not only useful but invaluable to what I do.
So . . . it's World Hepatitis Day I want to end by returning to that topic. Randy, do you think the world pays enough attention to Hepatitis C?
That depends on what part of the world you are in. Overall I would say that HCV is finally starting to get the attention that it needs in North America and in some places overseas, such as the Netherlands.
What’s your message for World Hepatitis Day 2013 then?
My message to everyone is to not give up. Fight for your rights. Do not allow stigma to hold you back and use your past to help others.
Like I said earlier, we are all books. Allow yourself to be read once in a while.
Great! Thanks so much for talking to us Randy.
Thank you for allowing me this opportunity Bob, Wayne. I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your summer and thank you for giving me this opportunity once again.
